Here’s a question every parent needs to answer: If something happened to you and your spouse tomorrow, who would raise your children?
It’s not a comfortable thing to think about. But it might be the most important decision you make as a parent—and if you don’t make it yourself, a court will make it for you.
That’s where guardianship comes in. By naming guardians in your will, you choose who raises your kids if you can’t. Let me walk you through how to make this decision and what you need to know.
What Is a Guardian?
A guardian is someone who takes legal responsibility for your minor children if you can’t care for them. This includes:
- Making decisions about their education
- Overseeing their medical care
- Deciding where they live
- Managing their day-to-day lives
- Providing emotional support and guidance
In short, a guardian becomes a substitute parent in every meaningful way. It’s a huge responsibility—and it’s also an enormous gift to know your children would be with someone you trust completely.
If you don’t choose who raises your children, a court will make that decision for you.
What Happens If You Don’t Name a Guardian?
Without a designated guardian, your children’s future goes to court. A judge—who has never met your family—will decide who raises your kids based on limited information and legal criteria.
Here’s what typically happens:
- Family members may fight for custody. Well-meaning relatives might have very different ideas about what’s best for your children, leading to painful court battles.
- The court might choose someone you wouldn’t. Judges follow legal guidelines, not your personal preferences. Your children could end up with a relative you’d never have chosen.
- Your children could end up in foster care temporarily. While the court sorts things out, your kids might be placed with strangers.
- It’s traumatic for your children. Losing parents is devastating enough without the added uncertainty and conflict.
I’ve seen families torn apart by guardianship disputes. The heartbreak is preventable—all it takes is making the decision yourself.
How to Choose the Right Guardian
This decision deserves careful thought. Here are the key factors to consider:
Values and Parenting Style
Does this person share your values about education, religion, discipline, and what matters in life? You want someone who will raise your children in a way that reflects what’s important to your family.
Relationship with Your Children
Do your kids know and love this person? A strong existing relationship helps children adjust during an incredibly difficult time. If your children are old enough, consider their feelings about potential guardians.
Age and Health
Raising children requires energy and long-term commitment. While grandparents often seem like natural choices, consider whether they’ll have the physical capability to raise children through high school and beyond.
Financial Stability
Can this person afford to add your children to their household? While life insurance and trusts can help (more on that below), your guardian should have the basic financial stability to take on this responsibility.
Location
Would your children need to move? Change schools? Leave their friends? Sometimes disruption is unavoidable, but it’s worth considering. Alternatively, could the guardian relocate?
Willingness
This is crucial: always ask before naming someone as guardian. It’s a life-changing responsibility, and the person needs to agree to take it on. Have an honest conversation about expectations and what it would involve.
Always ask before naming someone as guardian. It’s a life-changing responsibility that deserves an honest conversation.
Why You Need Backup Guardians
Life is unpredictable. Your first choice might become unavailable due to:
- Their own health issues or death
- Changed life circumstances (divorce, financial hardship, relocation)
- A decision they’re no longer able to take on the role
That’s why you should name at least one—preferably two—backup guardians. Think of it as a succession plan. If your first choice can’t serve, your second choice steps in. This ensures your wishes are followed even if circumstances change.
Guardian vs. Trustee: An Important Distinction
Here’s something many parents don’t realize: the person who raises your children doesn’t have to be the same person who manages their inheritance.
- Guardian: Takes care of your children’s physical and emotional needs
- Trustee: Manages money and assets you leave for your children
Sometimes the best guardian isn’t the best financial manager. Your sister might be perfect for raising your kids but terrible with money. In that case, you can name your financially-savvy brother as trustee while your sister serves as guardian.
This separation also provides checks and balances. The trustee ensures funds are used appropriately for your children’s benefit.
What to Include in Your Guardian Designation
Your will should include:
- Primary guardian(s): Your first choice for who should raise your children
- Alternate guardians: Backup choices in order of preference
- Specific instructions: Any preferences about education, religion, or lifestyle you want the guardian to honor
- Letter of intent: A non-binding but helpful document explaining your reasoning and wishes in detail
The letter of intent is particularly valuable. It can include things too detailed for legal documents: your children’s routines, what comforts them, their fears, their favorite things. It’s a gift to both your guardian and your children.
Common Questions Parents Ask
Can I name a couple as joint guardians?
Yes, you can name a married couple jointly. However, consider what happens if they divorce. You may want to specify which spouse would continue as guardian in that scenario.
What if the other parent is still alive?
Generally, the surviving parent has custody rights. Your guardian designation typically applies only if both parents are deceased or incapacitated. However, if there are concerns about the other parent’s ability to care for your children, discuss your options with an attorney.
Can I change my guardian designation later?
Absolutely. Life changes, and your documents should change with it. You should review your guardian choice whenever there’s a major life event: new children, moves, changes in relationships, or changes in your chosen guardian’s circumstances.
Take Action Now
I know this isn’t a fun topic. Nobody wants to think about not being there for their children. But choosing a guardian is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent—it’s planning for their protection even when you can’t be there yourself.
Here’s how to get started:
- Make a list of potential guardians with your spouse or partner
- Discuss the key factors and narrow it down
- Have the conversation with your chosen guardian(s)
- Work with an attorney to formalize your choice in a will
- Review annually and update as needed
Ready to protect your children’s future? I help families in Utah, Arizona, and Texas create comprehensive estate plans that include guardian designations, trusts, and everything else your family needs. Schedule a consultation and let’s make sure your children are protected.
